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By Kristy Nicolle
Silence descends over the Sinclair Estate as I slam the bedroom door behind me, storming down the corridor as my arm continues to throb.
I shake my head, the black feathered layers of my hair brushing the back of my neck in a tickle that’s nothing short of irritating. The sling bounces against my rib-cage as I take a swift right and descend the stairs without pause, wincing internally as the arm that Luce had ‘fixed’ jars inside the socket from which it had been so unceremoniously wrenched.
My cheeks are flush, head foggy with whatever the hell dark magic Luce had tried to sway me into bed with. The thought of it, her icy blue eyes hypnotic, fingers hungry thieves between us as she attempted to steal both my whim and the sacred right to my flesh, makes me feel nauseous. Disgusted even.
Whisky bounces up and down inside the glass curves of the antique bottle I hold in my free hand, tinkling lightly against the stopper that holds it inside, as my feet hit the chequered marble of the lobby at unrelenting pace. I have no intention of slowing down, finding Sephy, Xion, and Jules to have moved to other locations within the building, for which I’m grateful.
I just want to be alone.
Then it strikes me. The absolutely and undeniable truth of this thought.
I do want to be alone.
How has loving Lucifer become so painful that I’d rather walk away than fight, after everything we’ve been through?
Being away from her had once felt like I was standing atop a cliff, vulnerable to the dark endlessness of the night sky above, like I could be blown away with nothing to tether me down. Now though, I see the black emptiness not as isolation or punishment, but sanctuary. A thick, star studded blanket in which I can wrap myself, silence and darkness comforts against the rabid pounding of my broken heart and unrelenting racing of my mind as I try to understand her, try to forgive or make sense of what she’s done. What she’s chosen.
The night sky sprawls overhead as I exit the manor home, a welcome relief as my feet carry me like I’m trying to outrun whatever’s chasing me, as if it’s some physical monster I can outsmart to save Lucifer. As if the monster isn’t who she’s becoming voluntarily, but something possessing her. The sweet freshness of grass coated slick with dew hits me, allowing me some continued semblance of calm as the cool night air of early summer envelops me. I stare up at the moon, at the constellations that stain the heavens like rich narrative tattoos and think next of my mother.
Before she had met Hecate, and Lucifer had come into both our lives, things were different. It was just Nemesis and me, and it had felt like things would be that way forever. She had taken me to The Great Observatory in The Mercury Heavens and tell me the stories of the stars. That was before I heard the voices of death in one ear, before my idyllic childhood peace had been shattered by a higher calling placed upon my shoulders by the universe. I had forsaken that cause for Lucifer, because I believed we were fated. Those stories of star-crossed lovers written in the skies had me convinced that the moment I first laid eyes on her seemingly angelic face that I was where I was supposed to be. But, when I’d made that choice, when I’d decided not to return to The Higher Plains after Prometheus’ torment at my hand ended, nobody had died. I didn’t doom anyone by leaving, by choosing her. If I’d have known I would, then perhaps my choice would have been different. I love Lucifer, and a part of me always will, but I cannot forget my duty to the universe, or the responsibility I have to its residents.
I storm across the lawn in no particular direction, feeling the dangling crystal tether of the choker cool against my throat as I swallow hard.
I had trusted her with this so long ago, been so sure she was the one to guard over it, and now… now I’m questioning everything I have always known to be true.
I reach a white marble mausoleum, the wind chilling my ears as the air of the night cools further still. The white linen of my shirt is hardly warm, and I feel my nipples harden in protest as I climb the steps and slip inside, suddenly craving respite from this night. Darkness shrouds me once I step inside, two sconces on the walls long since extinguished, my heartbeat heavy in my ears. I look down upon them, upon the graves of Adam and Demi Sinclair, and I feel a kind of desperation to escape into the kind of nothingness that awaited them beyond the flickering tongues of The Eternal Flame. For in such total death you cannot feel joy, or love, but you also can’t feel pain or heartbreak.
I drop to my knees, head falling forward heavy with grief, as tears spring to my eyes in the shadows. I’m breaking apart, my soul tattered and shredded beneath the weight of what my love has done. Our bond has cracked the very foundation of worlds, and I know upon returning to The Higher Plains it will be my duty to listen to the screams as they pass between dimensional walls, the suffering inescapable.
Perhaps that’s what I deserve.
I had made vows to the devil, tethered our hearts together with mortal muscle and flesh.
Now, it feels as though the only way to right these wrongs is to cleave myself, and to return to where I have the most power to right her wrongs. To save her from afar, even if it means our love turned to ash.
The guilt of this will be what kills me, not the separation from her. For how can I look her in the eyes now that the icy blue of them has been tainted dark, her intentions made clear as the indigo crystal that dangles above my tender carotid?
If she cannot take responsibility, then someone must. So, then I will do it. Perhaps, just perhaps, this loss will be what saves me after all.
Rage bubbles up as I jerk upright, standing defiant upon two spindled legs, my anger threatening to spill over as my fingers form a fist, clenched around the bottle of whisky in my hand.
I let out a scream, the likes of which I haven’t heard since I was buried beak deep in Prometheus’ liver. It’s the kind of sound that holds no end, no hope of relief. My arm rises through the air, cutting it mercilessly like a razor, before my fingers release the neck of the bottle. I watch as it glimmers in grim moonlight that filters in through the crack beneath the door, hitting the floor and exploding outwards with a smash that is only too resonant of my world shattering around me.
Whisky leaks out over the marble, reflecting and turning the lunar glow a golden bronze.
My breathing is heavy, pained in my chest as my injured shoulder screams against the exertion.
I’ve never felt this way. Never felt so helpless, so angry. Luce has taken my assurance in my choices, taken everything I’ve ever been sure of, and in her darkness exposed its flaws in the most brutal and sudden way possible.
I can’t trust her anymore, and if I can’t trust her… then I guess there’s nothing left for me here.
Where she has chosen the darkness, I must now choose the light in the hope of righting her wrongs in the name of our relationship, which I thought had been unbreakable.
My fingers rise to the tether cinched around my throat as I stumble back a step and allow my spine to meet, flush, with the cool white wall.
Relief floods me as I realise what I must do. I know, once it is done that there is no going back, that there will be no forgiveness for me in her heart for such a betrayal, and yet…
The relief at the thought of escape, at the thought of returning to a position where I might make a difference on a larger scale tells me everything I need to know.
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes a moment and allowing my feather-light eyelashes to caress the sharp edges of my cheekbones, the last mortal comfort that I might indulge before shedding this skin and leaving the mortal bind behind.
I know she will never forgive me for this, but I also know, and cannot deny, that death undeniably calls for me like a raven on the winds of change.
Did you want to know more about my fantasy infiniverse?
Check out my books-
BOOKS CURRENTLY AVAILABLE FROM KRISTY NICOLLE
THE TIDAL KISS TRILOGY- A MERMAID FANTASY ROMANCE
TIDAL KISS SHORTS AND NOVELLAS
THE ASHEN TOUCH TRILOGY- A DARK FANTASY ROMANCE